On my first trip to Vegas in 2018, we were partying at Hakkan with Lil John and all of a sudden, I felt as though I had enough of Lil John and took myself home due to an EXTREME DESIRE to eat potato skins. To this day, I have no idea why I was so obsessed with them that night, but off I went, to find my potato skins. Worth mentioning, that historically I do not eat potatoes. I am not a size 6 because I eat potatoes. Sorry, not sorry.

So, you must know, Vegas must have really gotten to me at this point (if you have been to Vegas you will know by day 3 you start going insane).

The potato skins arrived, I was thrilled. I had my face mask on and my jim jams. I tried to pay for said potatoes with my left over South African currencies, not realising that I had drunk too much, but , it is Vegas after all. I had my potato skins (which were shit by the way at 2 am – do not recommend to a friend. 0/10 for sure), and after a few bites, suddenly decided I didn’t like the smell or taste of them, so I proceeded to wheel the tray outside of my bedroom. I was in my leopard print granny underwear and a collared sleeping shirt (I sleep in what looks like a little suit) still with my face mask on when I heard..

Wheeeeeeee CLINK –the door closes behind me.

And it locks. It actually locks.

Here I am at 3:30 am, in Vegas. In my disgusting panties and a face mask, clutching on my potato skins for dear life. However, I was not concerned about the fact that I was locked outside in my giant parachute garments, no! This is LAS VEGAS – the carpets! Always so old fashioned looking and grubby, no matter how fancy the hotel – I do not recommend walking on the carpets in Vegas without shoes. All I could think about was ‘when was the last time I had a tetanus shot?’ Due to, erm, location, I will assume the carpets are drenched in cocaine, semen and based off my dodgy hotel, probably more semen than cocaine. It was terrifying to be bare foot on such carpets. Did I have a cut in my foot possibly? Would a disease creep into a wound? Will I get gangrene? The anxiety was REAL.

Back to being stuck in the passage.

Shitties.

Problem one, obviously, all the hotels are in within casinos. So, I cannot march down 20 floors in my dodgy clothing choice (plus face mask, don’t forget) to the reception desk. I wonder around the passage for a bit and I find a telephone probably from the 1900’s poorly stuck to the wall. I manage to call reception but realise on opening my mouth, that I cannot speak properly. Must have been the potato skins and not the champagne and wine from the evenings festivities. I find myself speaking in a posh British accent (no idea why).

Eventually, security arrives, and she isn’t very impressed as I sent her to the incorrect floor and incorrect room . She look at me as if I am needing some guidance in my life. She might have prayed for me and told her children about this mad woman.

As the woman was opening my door, she said, ‘your potato skins are down your shirt, that will stain you know’.

Ah yes, of course. I am a hot damn mess.

Things to note in Las Vegas.

• The potoato skins are not worth it the stains don’t come out.
• Always put trousers on.
• Stay up to date with your tetanus shots.